Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
