am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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