Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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