Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
