so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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