I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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