OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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