like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
