Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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