Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
