if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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