It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish I only lived at night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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