You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
