It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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