You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
