Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize