It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize