Who wears a wallet chain?!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
