I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
