i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
