so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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