I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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