kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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