dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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