you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
