So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
