I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
