how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
