wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
