bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
