I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
