I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
