this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
