yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
