JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My pussy is not your playground.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
