I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
