Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
