so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
