what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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