that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
