So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
