Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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