They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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