just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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