My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
