My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
