I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
