Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you win again, gameday.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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