I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
