My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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