I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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