im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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