My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
