I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
