if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
