Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
