Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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