The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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