i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
