I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize