apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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