You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
