i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
