you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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