Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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