Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
