I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
