I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
