I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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