I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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