We're facebook friends in real life
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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