East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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