stop calling my apartment porn island.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
