In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
