Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
