oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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